


Crash

by Get Dunked On (LittleKnownArtist)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Friendship, Smoking, bad habits, it seems platonic but trust me, vague therapy reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 14:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12819342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleKnownArtist/pseuds/Get%20Dunked%20On
Summary: Just because this time is better than the last, it doesn't mean it's a good thing. Sans is in the middle of a depressive episode when Toriel pops in. Drabble.





	Crash

**Author's Note:**

> 90% of this was written via voice to type. Because I didn't have the energy to actually type it into my phone. He's smoking cuz it's a bad habit that adults don't partake in typically, like alcohol.

"there's nothing like a nice quiet day to yourself. a day when you don't have to get out of bed for anything or any reason...when you're all by yourself. it's really something isn't it. nothing like reminiscing about memories, or rather, ruminating about your crappy past." Sans was mumbling to himself, sitting on the roof in front of the skylight, feet dangling off the edge. He took another drag of the cigarette he had been keeping away from his brother's line of sight.

"among other pointless crap. like looking in the mirror and wishin' your reflection weren't there." He flicked the ashes off, not bothing to watch where they fell. Even if the cherry came off, what's the worst that could happen? It slowly smolders and the house catches on fire hours later and he dies in his sleep inside? Papyrus wouldn't have a room anymore, but he's sure Undyne or Tori would put him up.

"That is quite the poor habit you have," a soft voice came from behind him. His eye sockets went wide and he twisted his head and shoulders around to meet the eyes of his unexpected visitor.

"oh crap Tori, i'm sorry," he said, startled, biting down on the cancer stick, before ripping out of his mouth. "i know that you really hate uh...i swear i don't smoke normally..."

She shook her head. She was just head and shoulders just above the hatch opening. She looked back at Sans and gave him somewhat of a glare; her mom glare.

"No Sans," she returned. "What I'm talking about is the things you are saying. You have a bad habit of talking negatively about yourself...talking in a circle of bad thoughts." She lifted her arms and hefted herself up to the roof. Sans scooted all of three inches to let her sit beside him as he suspected she would do.

"oh good, then you don't mind me imitating a chimney." The skeleton's tone was unnecessarily dry and blunt, humorless, despite the obvious joke. He imagined that Toriel was also giving him that same disapproving look that she gave everyone who did anything remotely unhealthy. She was such a mom, even to her adult friends. 

"No, I mind that as well," she said, suddenly snatching the cigarette from his teeth to grind into the roof tiles beside her. Sans let out a breath, but said nothing. 

"Sans, are you all right?" She asked. Sans gave a shrug and in that monotone voice he uses when he's not particularly feeling anything he replied:

"yeah, sure, why not."

Toriel sighed and it was followed by a sigh of Sans's own.

" i'm not sure, i'm not sure of much of anything nowadays." There was a pause followed by a very slight raise of one brow bone as he turned his head to look at Tori questioningly. 

"so," he started, "how exactly did you get into my house?"

"Oh...I came to return some DVDs I borrowed for Frisk. Papyrus gave me a spare key in case you were working when I came by." She settled further into the space beside the skeleton, adjusting the hem of her skirt so that it covered her knees.

"yeah..."

"Sans?" she asked "do you want to talk about what might be bothering you?" Sans scoffed.

He didn't really know what to say. That he didn't know what was wrong, just...that something was, well, something was more wrong than usual. There always seemed to be something at the back of the skull just weighing him down. He never really understood what it was supposed to be or how to deal with it, it just was constantly there. Right now though, he knew that it was definitely worse than he was used to for everyday. But he's been worse off in the past and he wasn't that deep so it wasn't any it wasn't of any real concern to him right now. It was more of a condition of being him than a problem.

"Is it because Papyrus went back to school the other day?"

"yeah... i s'pose maybe that's got something to do with it... i dunno, Tori. i just kind of want to be...hell i don't even want to be left alone."

"If part of it is that you are lonely because Papyrus has left then I would say no. Being alone is not good for you right now. So if you don't mind, shall I keep you company?"

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Sans staring at nothing, Toriel twirling her thumbs and searching for something of interest to look at. Sans's head lolled to the side as wisps of thoughts rolled through in no cohesive manner until one finally caught.

"y'know, it's not as bad as it was the last time." Toriel turned her head back to look at his small form.

"What isn't?"

"this crash. at least i'm vertical this time. work was closed 'cause of the snow, so it's just been me and my thoughts for...uh two days. haven't eaten, but at least i got outta bed to smoke. that's somethin'." he was leaning over further now, and he just went with the pull and settled down on his side. If he rolled off from this height, it probably wouldn't kill him. It would definitely hurt like a--

"Yes, that is something good." He felt her warm paw come to rest against his back, trying to coax him back up, but not firmly enough to actually do it without input from Sans's non-existent willpower.

"Sans, you haven't eaten today?" He couldn't see her face but he could envision the worried expression on it. Lips tight, brows pulled together, eyes widened. Tori's face was so expressive. 

"Did Papyrus forget to leave you some spaghetti in the fridge?"

"no...he left some spaghetti, but i'd have to reheat it and, well, really this is the first time i've been out of bed today."

"I see," Toriel nodded. It took five months of solid friendship on Surface for Sans to let her in on how bad things were for him. How bad he really felt. It wasn't often that he showed that part to anyone. He was usually the funny guy, cracked jokes and made it his point to annoy everyone with practical jokes. And most the time that was how he really was he did love playing practical jokes and he did love making stupid puns. But then there were days when he wasn't okay. Toriel had found out through Papyrus that sometimes he went straight home from work without eating or leaving his room for any other reason, and when he did, he had dark creases under his eye sockets. But Papyrus didn't understand, not really. He assumed Sans was taking his sweet time just napping, not closing himself out from the world. Not even getting enough sleep to support himself.

Toriel...knew what was happening. She went through something like that for years after her children had...

"Sans, have you been keeping your appointments?"

"yeah..." he sighed.

"i get why i gotta go but, my therapist really..." Toriel started to rub along his back through his thick coat. It felt nice.

"the only good that's come outta it is that i'm finally admitting i'm depressed and...uh..." with some effort he shoved himself back upright, Tori's other hand pressed briefly to his chest so he wouldn't fall, while her left remained on his back.

"she's making me do this 'find your happy place' thing, with these little hand buzzers and it's ridiculous."

"Why is it ridiculous?"

"'cause i ain't really got a happy place. y'know, the underground was too small for that sort of thing. every place where I could have had a good memory, there's also a bad memory. place was too small, too crowded. i've probably walked over the paths that lead in through waterfall, hotand, the capital a couple hundred times and y'know it was there was no safe, happy place where i just like to be."

"Did you tell her that?"

"no...i made something up. i know it didn't have to be a real place, but i ain't ever been the creative type, so..."

"You have no place which brings you happiness? Your house back in Snowdin?"

"especially not there." It had been his home he shared with his little brother for years but it had also been...dreams and glimpses of memories showed it as his self-made prison, wallowing in grief for who knows how long and through who knows how many resets before the kid had finally figured out how to navigate through the underground without the need for LOVE and excessive HP. Was that even real? It felt real, but it didn't, in the same moment.

"Then...let us make new memories," Toriel suggested.

"wha?"

Toriel took a deep breath. She smiled and stroked down his back once more. "Well if you have no good memories of your life Underground, then let us make new memories of the surface. Happy memories. This world is far wider than I can even grasp, there's so many new places, new experiences, surely we can find something that makes you feel happy. A place that you can call a comfort?"

"uh...tori..."

"We could take a trip, the next weekend Papyrus comes to stay. Alphys and Undyne seemed to enjoy the beach and neither you or I have been to the beach. It sounds lovely from their description so I say that's a good place to start."

"it's november..." he said, wringing a small chuckle out of his chest.

"Well, I am certain that we can figure out something. We can go anywhere you would like. Or perhaps we can just make of wonderful happy night in in front of the fire, drinking hot cocoa. We can watch a cheerful movie or two. I might disagree with some of the anime that Frisk so enjoys but I am sure that we can find a delightful happy movie for something like this. Frisk has an interest in pillow forts and I wonder if you would like to participate in something like that?" Toriel stopped then, seeing that her friend might have been starting to get overwhelmed by the list of activities.

"uh," Sans said after a beat, "i...don't think it would hurt to try a trip or a night in..."

"Would you like that?"

"maybe..?" He honestly wasn't sure but...Toriel really cared about him and sometimes she got carried away, but that's one of the things he liked about her. He did really like her after all, and sge did want to help, even if he wasn't in the moid for it right now. Truthfully he wasn't in any sort of mood right now. It was a lack of mood, but he supposed that had lightened some.

"yeah. let's do that."

"I'm glad." She rubbed his skull, watching him lean into her touch. He might still be in the midst of a 'crash' but his body definitely enjoyed the affection. The temperature of his skull was startling once she noticed it through her fur.

"I know skeletons' perception of the cold is not keen, but it is a bit chilly. Would you like to come in with me?"

"erm. yeah, okay."

Toriel stood and lifted Sans to stand as well. She was down through the skylight first, and when Sans peered down, he wasn't surprised she only needed one of his step stools to reach it. How had she known he was up here? He didn't really care as he started to climb down, but then two great paws wrapped around his ribs and carefully lifted him down. He was pressed against Toriel for a moment as she held him in her left arm to shut and lock the hatch using her other. True, the cold didn't bother skeletons, but the warmth of another being's body was still pleasant. He didn't need to hold on, with as securely as she held him, but he still gripped the fabric of her dress and instinctively curled against her in the moment before she set him on his feet.

"Would you eat if I cooked for you?" she asked.

"oh. y'ain't gotta do that, i don't want to eat in front of you without--"

"I am a bit peckish myself, so may I make something for the both of us?" She offered. Sans's eyelights drifted off for a second, as if considering the option. 

"if you're feeling peckish then i'm in the mood for that chicken in the freezer." Toriel smiled at that, nodding. She took Sans's hand and lead him towards his kitchen. Her hand was warm and strong, dwarfing his in it's grasp. It felt good, made him feel safe, protected. He gave it a little squeeze as they entered the kitchen. 

He was still experiencing a crash, but he might slowly be coming out of it just now.

**Author's Note:**

> The therapy that Sans is mentioning is part of a type called EMDR and it's typically used in patients with PTSD but it's also used with depression and anxiety.
> 
> Something I drew after my last crash:
> 
> https://get-dunked-on.tumblr.com/post/161445123049/some-days-you-feel-guilty-because-theres-no
> 
> I experienced another crash after the Thanksgiving holiday. There's a lot of reasons I could have experienced it probably cuz my stomach is full and it made me miss my family all that much more. My depression isn't even that bad but sometimes I just lose the will to live.
> 
> I feel like projecting helps me sort out my head a little bit better. When I can get it onto paper, or in this case digitally, and it's someone else, someone that's not me it makes more sense to me. Sorry Sans.


End file.
